Consumed by Wrath: An FBI/Romance Thriller (An FBI/Romance Thriller ~ Book 8) Read online

  With three kids, they needed to be prepared for anything that might arise, whether it be braces, textbooks, or vacations.

  What he would rather be doing was to be tucked beside the two people whom he loved more than anything in the world, and lost in deep slumber. Unfortunately, that wasn’t happening anytime soon.

  The family, at that moment, was being carried on his shoulders. It was his job to cover the gaps that had formed while they were still trying to fix what was broken.

  Four months ago, the unforgettable happened. Ethan Blackhawk nearly died and left them. For Callen, it had been hard, because it meant stepping up and taking the helm. Where he was always able to coast through life, he now had to drive the train. He was now the conductor while his brother healed. Even though it scared the shit out of him, there was no choice. The family, snuggled into their warm beds, was counting on him to grow up and be a man.

  Over the last few weeks, Ethan was getting better. The dreams were slowly slipping away, and he was starting to get the sense of humor back that he once had. It had been a very slow process of healing and for a while there, they weren’t sure the family would stay intact.

  Where Callen and Elizabeth had believed that sex would heal it all, they were wrong. There was still a tiny little part of his life that Ethan was holding prisoner because of his experience.

  It was evident to both of them, and nothing that they had been able to come up with was changing that. Where they believed their jobs were a bloody war, they were wrong. There was a far more painful battle going on, and it was on the home front.

  Callen and Elizabeth were still fighting for Ethan’s soul.

  At one point, they were cohesive and one strong unit that seemed impenetrable. Now, they were still a solid protective wall, but it was around the wounded man, not including him.

  Neither Elizabeth nor Callen had a freaking clue on how to heal the rift which was formed when the madman tortured and almost stole his life.

  How do you fix that?

  Was it even repairable?

  Where Ethan used to be warm and loving, he was now leaning more towards the aloof side, with the slight edge of chill. In one moment, he would be laughing, and then the next, it would all be gone. It had shades of Jekyll and Hyde, and at times it was scary.

  To say that they were all walking on eggshells would be an understatement. If Callen wasn’t so damn worried, he would be laughing at the entire thing. In theory, it should have been fun to watch Elizabeth so off guard that she was discombobulated. The woman was always so self-assured and in control, and now neither of them were able to get their footing.

  Ethan’s mood swings and anger were staying one step ahead of everyone in the house.

  Now, no one was finding any of it amusing.

  When Ethan wanted to go back to work after two weeks, they let him, despite how his family felt about it deep inside.

  When he didn't want to talk about what happened to him while he was being tortured, they didn't push, because they were afraid to damage him further.

  Now, they didn't have a clue as to what to do next. Callen and Elizabeth were prisoners too, and frankly, something had to give. Their relationship was taking on water, and the boat was sinking fast.

  Where they wished that they could go to Ethan and have an intervention, they knew it wasn’t a possibility. Elizabeth and Callen were being held hostage by the ghosts of Ethan’s past. Both hoped and prayed that he would eventually come back to them, exactly as he was prior to the abduction.

  As time passed, that seemed less and less likely.

  At some point, they may have to mourn the strong, independent leader who once was their backbone, and come to the realization that it wasn’t going to be the same ever again.

  This whole experience had been the biggest struggle the family had ever had to overcome. When Timothy Blackhawk, the family patriarch, died, they stumbled. When Ethan came home battered, bruised and in pieces, they fell into a deep hole.

  There was no doubt that this took them to their knees, and as of yet, they still couldn’t find their bearings.

  Callen was a relatively laid back kind of person. He truly believed that he was gentle and a mediator to his soul. As of late, he had found himself worried about the outbursts that kept catching him off guard. The anger was the most frightening part of the entire ordeal.

  Not his.

  Not Elizabeth’s.

  But Ethan’s.

  There would be these flashes of temper and the eruption. They were never directed at anyone, but when they happened, everything and everyone froze. In the past, if any of the men lost their tempers or even snapped at Elizabeth, she would hand them their asses.

  No, she would try to skin them alive and get her giggle on.

  But now, even she wasn’t herself.

  Instead of controlling the situation, she was more meek and timid. Callen could see the fear in her eyes as one of the men she loved slipped from her grasp. The helplessness was eating her alive and killing her soul.

  It was breaking his heart to watch her suffer, and yet Callen couldn’t blame her for feeling those emotions. She was trying to hold her family together, and failing miserably.

  Someone once said that love healed all. Callen had faith that it would do just that, but in its own time. As of yet, it didn't seem to be ready.

  If there was a lesson to be learned, and he prayed it would happen sooner rather than later.

  When they were home from the office, there was a sense of peace. Ethan would be calmer and less agitated around the kids. Once in the workplace, that veneer would come up, and he would try to hide his distress.

  They saw it.

  Anyone who knew and loved him would.

  It was almost as if he never wanted to face the world again as director of FBI West, and that wasn’t a possibility.

  It was getting so bad that even Gabriel Rothschild was trying to cut Ethan some slack. There had been a couple of cases that came up, and he willingly offered them to Elizabeth and Ethan. The man must have sensed the fear in his director’s voice, because he promptly eased up and let Ethan make some excuses to get out of them.

  Even Elizabeth didn't call him on it. It was surely a sign of impending doom, or the apocalypse, when either of the two would take no for an answer. That was something Gabe certainly would never do. It showed how worried the man was about his friend. If there was one thing that their boss took serious, it was the belief that if you had a job to do, you sucked it up, put on your big boy briefs, and got it done.

  If you were bleeding, get a Band-Aid.

  If you lost a limb, get a prosthetic.

  If your wife left you, then you got an attorney to handle it.

  There was no room for excuses in their jobs, only solutions.

  That was until now…

  Yeah, even Gabe was catering to Ethan. Callen couldn’t imagine that was going to last very long. The big boss only had so much patience when it came to certain things. This well of ambivalence was bound to dry up fast, and then the shit was bound to hit the fan.

  Everyone was off balance and scattered, and as of now, Callen didn't know what to do for their loved one.

  In fact, Callen didn't know what to do for Elizabeth.

  What was eating away at him most was that he had to watch the woman he loved as she was destroyed by this. Deep down, she carried the guilt that she had allowed Ethan to be taken. After all, the nutjob called her out, and she didn't act as a shield to keep ‘her’ men safe.

  In her mind, she had failed and this was her burden to carry. Quite a few times, Callen had found the mother of their children locked away in a bathroom, closet, or car weeping. If Ethan believed that he was the only one being held prisoner by what happened, he was wrong.

  Elizabeth was doing penance in hell.

  Their wife was suffering immensely, and it was slowly killing her. Only, Callen didn't think Ethan saw it. Surely, if he did, then he would step up and try to save her.


  Wouldn’t he?

  When Callen would find Elizabeth falling apart, he did what any good partner or mate would do. He held her, let her get it all out, and just listened. Many times they would go for a walk, head to his cabin on the Rez, or just hide, trying to buy her some time to regain her bearings.

  When he left his cabin behind, he had sworn that he wouldn’t ever return there, but now he was grateful that he had kept it. The small homestead had become their place to vent frustrations or just mourn together.

  All of this was killing Callen that he couldn’t fix her too.

  What he wanted more than anything in life was to save his woman from the pain that was swallowing her whole. The overwhelming sadness was eating away at her little by little. Maybe Ethan didn't see it, but he certainly did.

  When she would come home from work, it was apparent that the desire to see her kids wasn’t the same as it had once been. Yeah, she was still a great mom, but there was no joy there. It was more like obligation to carry on. As she played with them, gave them baths, or read to her kids, she seemed empty. It was as if every ounce of will and energy had been devoted to saving Ethan Blackhawk. None was left for anything else that mattered, including herself.

  This whole thing was still holding their hearts ransom, and Callen was desperate to figure out how to get them back. At this point, he would do anything. Part of him wanted to be supportive and caring while Ethan was wounded, but the rest of him wanted to drag him out back and kick the shit out of him to make him see what was happening.

  GOD!

  Had he been this needy at one time?

  If he had, he owed everyone an apology for being the weakest of the unit. Now that he saw it clearly, there was no going back.

  Then, he pictured himself a battered mess, and knew that his brother had never once been hard or cruel. Eventually, Callen found his way back around, and maybe Ethan would too. That meant that he simply needed to hold them together and pray that with some divine intervention, a little love, and time, it would all work out.

  He hoped he was right.

  Everything was riding on this. Their entire family was on the line, as was the state of their relationship. At that point, no one knew if they would remain a couple or detonate apart.

  Closing his eyes, he sent off a silent prayer to someone who might be able to help. If Timothy was watching them, he really could use his help. Callen could only hope that the powers that be would hear him and offer them some mercy. Callen implored Fate to find some good in all of them and let them have a second chance in love and life.

  Didn't they deserve it?

  Callen’s biggest fear was on the horizon. Soon, he was going to have to go back out in the field and leave his family behind. He was the liaison to the Native community, and that meant that he needed to travel. For the time being, he managed to work from the office and on video conference calls, but that couldn’t happen forever.

  Soon, he would need to move on with life, and he prayed Elizabeth and Ethan could handle it while he was gone.

  Scratch that.

  He hoped that Elizabeth could hold the family up in his absence. If not, they were all doomed.

  When he opened his eyes, Callen slipped his reading glasses back on and stared down at the bills. With a sigh, he went back to work. Until Ethan was back on his game, he would just have to suck it up, carry the family, and do what needed to be done.

  Even if it meant doing it on very little sleep, or none at all.

  * * *

  It was as if she knew something was wrong.

  Pulling from sleep, Elizabeth slowly listened to the sounds around her. There was the slow even breathing of Ethan and nothing more. Over time, she had memorized it. Elizabeth couldn’t recall how many times, over the last four months, that she had spent time staring at the ceiling or a sleeping man.

  Let’s just say that shuteye wasn’t her friend anymore. In fact, it had become her worst enemy. At first, she would be pulled from sleep by Ethan’s shouts or cries, and when he had finally become less volatile while sleeping, it was her dreams that plagued her.

  Her nightmares had become the issue, and now Elizabeth was her own worst enemy.

  In her dreams, she would see herself being too late to get to him. When they pulled him from the ground, there was a vastly different outcome, and it haunted her. His lips would be blue, his eyes would be dead, and her existence would be irrevocably changed forever.

  Never in her life had she been so haunted by dreams. Yeah, when she lost her partner in the FBI, she was chased by the nightmares and his dead eyes, but never like this. What Elizabeth was feeling was a whole new terror. It was holding her in its cold, icy claws and refused to relinquish its grasp.

  It was slowly stealing her sanity and life.

  God, what wouldn’t she do to have peace and Ethan back?

  Cautiously rolling to her side, she watched her husband in the light that cascaded from their bathroom. When they returned, Ethan couldn’t handle the dark, so they began catering to his needs. Now, it allowed her the opportunity to watch over him whenever she was wide awake.

  Which was practically every night.

  Staring at him, she desperately longed to fix him. There wasn’t anything that she wouldn’t give to have him back and repaired. Yes, it was true that he was far better, but he wasn’t the same man. It was like he was a giant jigsaw puzzle and the only piece missing was the one that held his heart.

  For some reason, she couldn’t find that last piece to make him whole.

  It frightened her.

  What if Ethan never came back to her as the man who she fell in love with?

  What if this was it?

  What if he didn't love her anymore?

  The tears filled her eyes, and she valiantly fought to push them deep down. Where she would let Callen see her weep, she wouldn’t allow Ethan to suffer more.

  Why add additional stress to his already heavy load? After all, she was to blame for all this. This mess was her burden to carry.

  It was the least that she could do for him.

  Gently, she ran her fingertips across his tan cheek as if lovingly memorizing his features. In sleep, he was peaceful, and these were the times which she cherished. Now, he wasn’t hurting and that meant everything.

  “I love you, Ethan. I wish I knew how to fix us,” she whispered, her voice choked with emotion. “I miss you so much and wish my best friend was back.”

  Her eyes flickered to his hair. When the killer lopped it off, she and Callen had done the same. If one of them was starting anew, they both were. Now, his raven black mane was slowly beginning to grow in, and she was glad. Maybe when it grew back, he would return too. The thing that he once never loved was his focus point all the time. No matter how much she told him it was just hair, he didn't seem to hear her. It became such a wound to him that she was terrified to run her fingers through it, even when they made love.

  And lately, that was even sparsely spread out.

  Every night, Elizabeth made the same silly wish. It was that his hair would magically appear and heal him.

  It was all that she had to hold onto for now.

  Watching him more, it killed her that he was all the way on his side of the bed. At one point, the threesome would end up twisted together, spent from a night of lovemaking. Now, when there was sex, there was separate corners. Where Callen would stay against her body, Ethan would retreat.

  It crushed her.

  It destroyed her.

  Then again, if he blamed her for all of this, could she blame him? Her mistake nearly cost him his life. She was the one who should have seen it coming and protected her team, specifically her profiler. While he was lost in the madness and distracted, she should have been his eyes.

  This was her scarlet letter to boldly wear. The bloody ‘A’, that her mind continually saw, tormented her daily. Unlike the classic tale, the letter didn't stand for adultery, but arrogance.

  Hers.

&nb
sp; It appeared to be the Blackhawk’s downfall.

  As of late, her soul was torn from her body and scattered haphazardly through the events of the past. All that Elizabeth wanted was for Ethan to be whole once more.

  Glancing over at Callen’s side of the bed, she wanted to weep more. Even now, he too was missing. Ethan was gone emotionally, and Callen physically.

  God, she needed to fix her family.

  There had to be a way.

  As the tears threatened to fall, the queasiness filled her. Her stomach rolled and Elizabeth wanted to weep more. Already, she knew the truth.

  She was pregnant.

  Since they had taken precautions to assure that Ethan fathered the next child, she knew he was getting his wish. Deep down, she prayed that this little bit of news would pull him back from the brink, save their family, and not build a greater divide between them.

  Now, it was a matter of waiting and seeing.

  Cautiously sliding out of bed, as to not disturb Ethan, Elizabeth wanted to go find the other half of her heart. Already, she suspected where he was and what Callen was doing.

  If anything, he was predictable.

  Moving towards Ethan’s side of the bed, she stood there watching him more. “Please come back to me, love bug. I can’t do this without you by my side,” she whispered. “I miss my soul and need you back.”

  With that, Elizabeth knew she needed to escape, or else there would be bucket loads of tears.

  At the soft click of the door, Ethan opened his eyes. Her words touched him and hurt his heart at the same time. “I don’t know how to get back to you,” he replied, his voice tinged with so much pain.

  “I’m drowning, Lyzee. Save me.”

  Silently, she slipped downstairs and once more found him working. Callen Whitefox was a miracle in her life. When she met Ethan, Elizabeth believed him to be the only man who she could ever love.

  Callen changed that.

  He wiggled his way into her heart and soul and took up permanent residency there. He was truly the other half of her life. Without him the last four months, surely she would have collapsed under the weight of it all. It was only his strength, compassion, and sense of humor that got her though it.